Kids and birthday parties
Nearly every kid party we've been invited to has had a ton of people and has been at a birthday party place like a gym or a place with a bunch of bouncey houses. Is this the new normal? We've always had them at our house and hauled out toys and maybe played a couple of games. Our kids have been allowed to invite 1 kid per year old they were, plus we invited siblings and added invitations to neighborhood kids if they didn't make the cut (so the parties haven't been really small). So far they've been nice, but we've also had a couple of kids say they didn't want to come because all we were doing was playing games and we didn't have any goody bags. Our oldest is about to turn 6. Is it time to bite the bullet and have a blow-out? Money isn't the issue, I just don't like parties like that, but I'll do it to keep my kid(s) from turning into social outcasts because they have stupid parties.
4 Answers
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Like you, I've noticed that bouncy houses, goodie bags etc. are the norms at kids birthdays as well. Like you, I wouldn't throw the same party myself. Like you, our oldest child is about to turn 6.
Unlike other kids in our son's class, we're not going to do the same type of parties they do. Our son's 6th birthday is going to be a small gathering with a few select people. There will be games, presents, a birthday cake, etc. I don't think he'll be deprived.
I don't want my son to be an outcast. I understand he's already under a lot of peer pressure even at this age. But the value we're trying to uphold (and hopefully teach him, by extension) is that we do what we think is right for us even if it means others are doing it differently. It's a tough battle we fight every day, but I think it's worth it.
I'd be interested to hear what others think.
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I'm in the same boat. We have 3 kids age 6 and under, so doing big parties every year would be a financial strain. I make the kids' birthdays special in other ways (they wake up to balloons over their bed, they get to pick anything they want for breakfast, our family goes to a local attraction on the weekend - a children's museum or zoo). And I've let them each invite friends according to their age - 3 friends for the 3rd birthday. I threw my oldest a big party at a bounce house for her 5th birthday - that's a big one - and I'll do the same for her brothers.
I also don't do 'goody bags' - they're a waste of money. But I do thank the guests with something special, based on what my child chose for their theme/cake. One year I gave each child a pair of sunglasses, another year I gave them each a dinosaur egg. That way they don't leave empty handed, but I don't have to waste money on cheapo goodies that'll break before the kids get home.
I like the ease of a party away - I'm off the hook and I can enjoy the day with my child, but the price tag becomes prohibitive with 3 little ones.
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Like weddings, there has been major birthday party inflation. I rebel against it. It's just ridiculous for so many reasons. And I think that if more parents had enough back bone to refuse to participate in the maddness, there would be less pressure on everyone to do it.
I let my boys choose a couple friends and we have something special that we do with them. Like, a trip to the chldrens museum in Sausalito, or I'll even spring for Chuck E Cheese. (ugh, I hate that place) They have been satisfied with that. I also ask people not to bring gifts. We are overloaded with stuff in our house as it is. That has been a problem, some people just can't restrain themselves and it causees all kinds of awkwardness amongst the other two parents, so I'm re-thinking that plan a bit. We usually do a large gift for the boys, Last year they got a new trampoline.
Now my boys are approaching 5 and 8. They understand that there will be no thousand dollar parties at Jungle Party land. This is good. It's not even up for discussion. And there will be no - You're not invited to *MY* birthday party! - on the playground. This is good too.
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I do find that in my area, the bouncy house party is the standard upon which all others are compared. Some are more over-the-top, and some less. But it's not unheard of to have a home party. You don't need to bit the bullet if you don't want to. You can do a really fun party at home! We threw a nice, medium-sized at-home party for my five-year-old that went over quite well. On the sage advice of a friend with older kids and home-party experience, we limited the party to 2 hours (1.5 hours would have been better), played up the party's theme with games and crafts, served snacks, and ate birthday cake. It was simple, and it was fun, but it was quite a bit of work. We kept them moving the entire time. There are websites devoted to fun birthday party ideas -- I made use of them. I totally get why people like to do outside the house parties -- no cleaning the house, and no worries about having to entertain them. But for some kids (like mine) and some parents (like me) it feels more comfortable to be at home.
Re: Goody bags: They are ubiquitous. If you skip them, the kids are going to notice/complain. You don't have to give out bags of junk, though. The best at-home party I've been to had the kids doing lots of little carnival games, and they won little prizes at each game. Things like necklaces, beach balls, bracelets, stickers...stuff like that. Once the party was over the kids were essentially wearing and/or playing with their goody bags. I thought that was cool. Anther thing I've seen lately is more parents doing a single, more substantial "favor" rather than a goody bag (a previous poster mentioned this also). I think that is a great idea too.
