6 Answers
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I never even thought about this questions before reading it here. Guns are pretty dangerous. But swimming pools are too, and driving on a car (not sure about the statistics, but my guess is these are way more dangerous). And what about climbing trees? Riding bikes? At some point you'll have to trust other parents.
That said, if I learned that a parent forgot to lock his loaded guns, my kids would never step on that house again.
I agree with Juan. I would rather have my kid play at the house of a responsible gun owner than a house with a pool, at least until she is old enough to swim really well. The stats from Freakonomics was one chid dies per 11,000 pools vs one child per 1,000,000 guns. Pools are way more dangerous, even when there are responsible adults around.
That said, I wouldn't let my child play in a house that had unlocked guns.
- Brian, Jul 12, 2010
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As for what to say if you wanted to 'feel out' the gun situation at someone else's home - "I recently had a bad experience regarding one of my son's playdates when I found out that guns were kept in the home. What's your thought about that?" If they respond that they have no issue with it because guns are kept in their home or they're just as adamant as you are about no guns in the house, you've got your answer.
[You could probably use the same leading question for pools and pets too.]
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It would be so scary to find your child had access to a loaded gun because of an irresponsible parent. On the other hand, if a parent just asked me point blank whether I had a gun in the house before a playdate, I'd feel it was an ominous question. Are they going to check the child proofing on my medicine cabinet also? I states plainly that you mistrust me.
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A story:
Years and years ago we had many neighbors who were in the military living on our street. There was a goup of kids who played together at everyone's house every day. As a parent I never thought of the danger of guns until one day, one Mother told the story of almost shooting her own son in her own house. Her military husband was away, and she was home alone for an extended period of time with her only child. The child was about 3-4 and was newly potty trained and did not sleep in a crib. One night, the little boy sleepily got up to find the bathroom and wandered into the TV room instead. The mother heard noises in the TV room and immediately got the gun and was prepared to shoot an intruder when just in the nick of time she saw it was her son in the shadows and stopped herself. This experience scared her and all of us neighbors as well.
It would be difficult to ask a friend if they had guns in their house. But -- I would certainly be cautious at the slightest clue. Perhaps its best to ask the children themselves if Mom or Dad have any guns that they know of?
This is a difficult question.
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I think my first tactic would be to educate my child on all the dangers everyone has talked about. Pools, guns, drugs, sex, violence, alcohol. (okay, I added a few!) I understand that the level of conversation you can have with them varies by age, but I think that's your first line of defense. Trusting and knowing your kid regardless of whose house they walk into.
My second tactic would be to get to know the playmate's parents. I don't think people have hold up's asking a paid child care provider/facility about any of the concerns listed above (directly too!), so why are playmates parents different? Isn't one of our role as a parent to make sure that our children are safe? Would I be weirded out or upset if someone point blank asked me within 30 seconds of meeting me if I had guns in the house? Maybe.. maybe not. (Hasn't happened yet, for obvious reasons.) But I would provide the information and let them decide if they wanted to drop their kid off. I'd want the same - I would just spend more time getting to know the parents rather than ask something like that so abruptly.
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A friend of mine just told me quite proudly and with much conviction that she has a " 22" in her home. She cares for her own grandchildren often, and they sleep overnight there. Its not only children we must protect -- its ourselves as well !
wow. can you guess who you might know might have guns?
- andrea, Jun 2, 2010