4 Answers
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the sooner you get used to it, the better. because if its not birthday parties, it will be recitials, sports, or something else that takes up the weekend. Face it, the fine print in your parenting contract dictates that your pre-kids desires are now secondary, and your primary role is as the facilitator (fancy word for 'transportation') for all of these important events which, really, you'd feel guilty for not having your child attend.
Now dont you feel better?
OK, only half joking, but think of the benefits! You get to build up a network of similarly harried parents and swap war stories (when the moms get talking about who got barfed on the worst by their infants, I stay out of the way!). As your kids are older, you'll actually find your interests intersecting, and then that's when it all starts to seem worth it.....
good luck!
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My advice? Say "no" to the ones you want to skip, and don't feel even the slightest bit guilty. Nowhere is it written that you must attend everything you are invited to! They get invited to so many -- you have to draw the line somwhere. Your personal and family time is important and worth preserving.
You have the advantage when the kids are small in that you can decide for them. If your family will be happier spending the weekend with each other rather than running around to 2-3 random parties for kids you barely know, then so be it. I think big parties for kids under age 4-5 to be ridiculous in general, but that's just me :)
I use the following rule: If my child is old enough to voice an opinion, I listen. I reserve the right to say "no" if it is a major inconvenience, but I try to make it work if the party is for a child that my child is friends with. If they are too young to know the difference, I almost always politely decline (unless it is a family that we know well and we want to spend time with them). Don't worry about offending the parents. It's really no big deal.
Oh, I also stick to a "one party per day" rule. More than that is too much for me, and way too much for my kids. Again, no guilt!
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First, I tend to pre-screen the invitations so if there is a party we can't attend, my kids may never know about it.
Second, I agree with thisislarry in that you do lose more and more of your weekends as your kids get older (and you have more kids) and they all have different things in different places. But then why not enjoy some quiet family weekends together while they are still young? And even as they get older, when they are invited to a birthday party of a classmate they don't really play with, just because the whole class is invited, well maybe that's not a good enough reason to lose an afternoon when they whole family could have done something together.
Attending these birthday parties is not the only way to put your child first. And it's not necessarily selfish to skip them, if you are putting the needs of the whole family first.
That said, go to at least some of these parties. Social time is good for young kids and good for parents of young kids too. Make sure you talk to other parents while you are there and you'll find it's more worthwhile.
My two cents, hope it helps.
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I understand how busy birthdays can be, we have three school-age children. I suggest asking people to take your children with them and offering the same when you do go. It allows the children the opportunity to celebrate with their friends and you a few hours with your other children.
