How much should a parent nurture talent?

0 votes

Generally speaking, I believe it's good for kids to have a broad range of experiences especially when they're young. Hearing different languages, playing different sports, seeing different places, etc. Being really good at something matters, of course, but to me that's something that can happen later in life when the child is willing and able to make that type of commitment to working at their craft, whatever it is.

Of course, situations can arise that cause you to have a different point of view. What happens when your child shows an amazing aptitude for chess? Or what if you love golf and want your child to love it too? Or, what if your child shows an obsession for dancing at an early age?

Now you may be tempted to spring for private lessons, extra classes, and entering your kid in competitions against others years older. Is that your job as a parent?

Young kids may be able to handle this level of dedication, but they may not yet understand the trade-offs for this type of life. It's easy to say a parent's guidance should be to act in the best interest of the child, but I'm not sure that's easily answered.

How much should a parent nurture talent?

Topics:
Jason K.

Kids make, kids break. Gotta have both.
Silicon Valley

Jun 4, 2010

3 Answers

  • 0 votes

    I only have a story to tell, for consideration.  I knew a little girl once ( not my own daughter) who liked ice skating at a young age. She became quite passionate about it around age 8. Her parents wanted to encourage her, so she kept adavancing with her lessons, competitions etc. Family life revolved around her ice skating and her younger sister suffered the consequences too. The truth of this girl's ice skating  was that she did not have a natural talent for it. Her skating was mediocre-- even with many lessons and coaching.  Though she and her parents dreamed that she would be a great star, she was just not good enough to reach the " professional" level.  The end result was heartbreak and anger for the girl and her parents, coupled with thousands of dollars and time spent on pursuing an interest beyond where it should have gone. The whole family suffered. The lesson here is that parents need to be very realistic when guiding children with an interest, hobby, or goal.   

    Thanks for the story. Yeah, that's unfortunate when you don't reach high expectations. And it's even sadder when those expectations overshadow the child's passion for the activity.

    - Jason K., Jun 8, 2010
    Suzanne

    Jun 7, 2010

  • 0 votes

    I have to disagree with Anonymous, just to say that (and I speak as someone who graduated with an engineering degree from a fine university) as a human being, I find what I have learned in music, art, and sports ALL valuable in different ways.

    Music, art, foreign languages, sports, these all teach you that there are various ways to approach a siutation.  Math teaches you that there is a right answer and a wrong answer.  Now I'd say most decisions in life are not so clear cut, so learning how to deal with the fuzzy stuff is indeed a valuable life skill.

    Like: how to recover after you've made a bad play in a game, or how to help a teammate who has just done that

    Like: how to create a guitar solo (talk about there being many right answers!)

    Like: how some things just dont translate, and what does that say about a culture?

    To me, this is why I value having our kids participate in each of these things (actually they're not doing a foreign language, oops).  If they show aptitude, we try to encourage it.  It they show resistance, then we maybe back off, but try not to eliminate the opportunity altogether.

    It IS hard tho, as a parent, not to imagine that somehow my kid is super-talented in anything we put him in front of, and I hope that I somehow find the wisdom to know when to back off and when to push.

    Larry, I hear you. Doing something goes much further beyond knowledge of the activity itself. And the most significant things you can learn are often not the very thing you set out in the first place.

    Which again, makes me wonder if the greatest factor in nurturing talent should be the level of interest your child has or develops. Everything else the child gains after that is just gravy.

    - Jason K., Jun 9, 2010
    thisislarry

    dad to a 10yo and a 8yo
    Palo Alto, CA

    Jun 9, 2010

  • 0 votes

    I think this is a tough road to walk.  Definitely you should nurture talent but how much and how soon is the question.  I think it is more of a danger to have a child specialize too much too early than not specialize early enough.  The risks can be anything from injury from overuse in a sport to just outgrowing their interest in chess or even making it to the top but not the tippy-top which will not be enough to support them so they will be very good at a hobby but not good enough that they can make it into a career.

    I am biased but I support my kids' academic interests more than sports or games or artistic ones.  I figure if they LOVE math but then that love peters out, they've learned a lot of math which is applicable to other things which they can use in the future.  If they LOVE art, unless they want to become professional artists (which is tough to do), that isn't as applicable to their future successes.  In the first case, I would let them take 2 math classes at school in place of 1 math class and 1 art class.  In the second case, I wouldn't let them do the reverse, even at the high school level.  I would pay for and support extra art classes or math classes, but not at the expense of them doing anything else.

    Case in point: my sister always wanted to be an opera singer.  By all accounts, she was well on her way, full ride to a great music school then on to Europe to study with a famous teacher who said she had the most beautiful voice he had ever heard.  But then she needed surgery on her vocal cords which ruined them.  So she was washed up at 22 with no back-up plan in place and she's foundered ever since.  I feel really sad for her.

    But I don't know what I would have done differently if I had been my parents.  She had a fairly balanced life up until high school and then started spending 4-6 hours a day on music.  I think you have to do that if you want to succeed.  But the price of failure has been so high, for her and others. 

    My 5 year old son is quite good at math.  He was accepted to some special math classes for 5-10 year olds and we enrolled him.  He could do the math, but I think the structured setting was too much for him at this age and it started turning him off to it.  We aren't signing him up for next year.  When he's older we'll probably try again, but even though he was at the youngest age for the group (all the kids worked together, so he was in with gifted 10 year olds) and could already do the math, we will likely wait until he is 8 or 9.  I would so much prefer that he be chomping at the bit to do something than be pushed into it.  He will have more fun and learn more.

    I liked the movie _Searching for Bobby Fischer_ which examined this issue.

    But, no pat answer, I guess.

    I think you're right -- there's no pat answer.

    I'm just wondering if it's ever a bad idea to keep pursuing as long as the child's interested. It definitely gets more complicated as you get older, because now you have additional concerns/responsibilities like earning a living, etc.

    I'm sorry to hear about your sister. It doesn't sound like anyone could have predicted that she would need surgery. So hopefully she doesn't have regrets.

    - Jason K., Jun 8, 2010

    Anonymous

    Jun 6, 2010



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