Do you teach your kids to avoid strangers?
As a kid, I remember being taught "Don't talk to strangers." and although I was young, I still felt that I was a reasonable judge of character.
Now, I've heard that people generally don't so much teach their kids to avoid strangers. I can understand this, because I'd like my son to feel comfortable in the world, and feel like if the situation warrants, he can go and talk to a stranger. (For example: "I'm lost" or "Can you help me find my parents")
There have been many times when I've encouraged my son to go talk to strangers, but it does feel a bit odd. Often times walking around the neighborhood, we'll see someone doing something like washing a car or mowing the lawn, and our son will say "what's that guy doing?" and I'll say "You should go ask him!". Is this a bad idea?
3 Answers
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Some thoughts:
For kids, talking to strangers while with another adult is pretty safe, because the child trusts the adult he is with to filter out " bad" people for him. As you mention, it encourages friendly curious behavior and confidence.
Being able to calmly ask for help when lost, is something that definitely should be taught. Its frightening for kids to suddenly discover they are alone in a crowd or store, when they were with their parents just a few minutes ago! Haven't we all seen the screaming terrified child in a store or at a fair because he is lost ! This goes for neighborhoods too..... and is why there are some neighborhoods with " safe signs" in windows where kids know they can ask for help safely.
If a child is completely alone, however-- not attended by any adults --- and is approached by an adult in a " friendly" way --- this can be quite dangerous and would be a situation where " don't talk to strangers" is probably wise. This kind of safety goes with " don't take candy, toys, or other treats from strangers; don't let strangers touch you; and don't get in a car with a stranger".
All of these things are a part of safety awareness --- a wise skill to have !
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Considering that the overwhelming majority of people that do harm to children are not strangers, I think this old addage to not talk to strangers is just plain silly and fosters fear in children. I agree that the thing to do is to teach your children not to get into cars with people they don't know (or trust, because later in teen years this will be important). Not to take gifts from people without permission, and to not let anybody (and I do mean ANYBODY) touch them in ways that make them feel bad and without their permission.
I've known many children who are afraid to walk out their front door because people in thier family have told them they need to be afraid of being stolen. That strangers are going to molest them, that you can't trust anybody. What a small scary life they lead because of that.
I encourage my children to be outgoing and gregarious, confident and strong. Those kind children make bad targets of abuse by strangers as well as family and friends, and that's who you have to keep an eye on anyway. I want my boys to be able to meet new friends every where they go, to expand their worlds through new people. If you don't ever talk to a stranger, how is this going to happen for you?
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It seems like there's a big difference between a stranger who is not approaching you, and a stranger who is. A stranger who gives you a bad vibe, and one who doesn't.
As a related issue, I wonder if I should share when I'm getting a bad vibe... seems like yes, but I'd want to be careful how I'm doing it.
