Have you underestimated how difficult parenting would be?
I have. By a lot.
This article made me feel better in a strange way. Like maybe I shouldn't feel quite so guilty about not enjoying parenting all the time.
Anyway, I'm curious of what other parents out there think.
3 Answers
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I'm having a hard time coming up with the right words -- I'm not sure underestimated is the right way to describe it.
Parenting is certainly different than I expected. In many ways it's easier. I imagined months upon months of screaming children, temper tantrums, thrown food, meltdowns every time at a restaurant, etc. This just hasn't been true for our kids, thankfully.
On the other hand, the amount of time that everything takes is really surprising. It's like you need to take the amount of time that it would take an adult to do something, like eat a bowl of cereal or put on a shirt, and multiply it by at least 5 times, maybe 10.
I find it's easy to get short-tempered with kids, and I oftentimes surprise myself with how they can push my buttons and get me all worked up, seemingly without even trying to do it. There's certainly a pro-Zen component to parenting.
So, yeah, parenting is different than I expected, things take a lot more time, and that means I have a lot less free time to do what i want or need to do as an adult.
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I certainly didn't know how exhausted it would make me feel and how hard it would be to stay patient. It has easy moments and difficult moments, and the difficult moments probably outnumber the easy moments. It's certainly life-changing.
All that said, I didn't care for that article much. "Everything is pre-destined, so don't sweat it." It would be easy to use that article to justify neglect. I prefer to believe that we make a difference, and try to make smart decisions that help my children.
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Jason, thank you so much for that article. There were many aspects in it that hit on exactly what I've been feeling recently. :-)
I thought that having a child in the beginning would be harder than it was. I got used to all the wake-ups and feedings, I didn't mind being spat up on (just got get a new shirt and amen for washing machines), I even got comfortable nursing in public. I'm finding now is hard. My son is 15 mos old and walking and talking up a storm. He's all over the house and interested in exploring. It's terrific when I ask where he is and he comes back into the room or he finds something he shouldn't play with and willing gives it to me. He understands himself; he knows what he wants. Mommy and Daddy don't always understand what he wants and that leads to screaming or throwing himself on the floor. [Sometimes, he gets put in his crib.] He's hungry but doesn't want what I gave him. Off the tray and down to the floor it goes. Or worse, into the hand and throw at me or across the room. I could scold him and take away the food but I know he's really hungry. So, I try something else. 8 choices later, he's happily eating and my best friend again. Oy.
I wait for the day he can communicate his needs/desires, using his words, and I fear it too.
