Sending kids to school or bed with no pants on?
Our son is very stubborn when it comes to putting on his own clothes. Many times, we have a morning or evening struggle over putting on PJ bottoms or pants suitable for school.
We've threatened to send him to bed or school with no pants, and this seems to carry some weight with him, but it hasn't actually come down to that yet.
Would it be a good lesson, or too traumatic for him to go to arrive at school with no pants?
Any suggestions about how to motivate him to dress himself would be great. We've tried stickers, but he now just says "I want your help, it's okay, I won't get stickers and I won't cry about it."
6 Answers
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Sammy is also stubborn about shorts/pants in the morning sometimes. I tell him that it's not acceptable and then put him in the car with no pants on. I bring the pants with me. I've done this about 3 or 4 times in total. 100% of the time when we arrive at the pre-school he puts his pants on before getting out of the car.
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I decided pretty early (maybe 3 or 4) to let the kids wear whatever they chose 90% of the time. Mostly for us this was about whether to wear long pants or a jacket when it's freezing out. I just stopped struggling one day, and only made suggestions from then on. "It's pretty cold out. You might want to step outside and see if you think you want pants, or a jacket." Incredible how many times they would wear shorts, or sandals, when I'm wearing shoes and a jacket. They pick what to wear themselves (though for a while still wanted help putting it on, which is just a comfort thing).
I would draw the line, however, at wearing pjs or underwear (or nothing) to school. If it's inappropriate to hit other kids, or to show up with mud all over yourself, or other socially unacceptable things, and if we agree it's our job as parents to show the kids, "hey, here's the line of what's inappropriate or unacceptable," then I think it's reasonable to say that wearing underwear (or nothing) to school is past the line.
Of course, then you immediately get into issues of rewards or consequences for dressing peacefully in the morning, vs. making a fuss or making the family late. Jellybeans for dressing peacefully probaby easier than some consequence for making a problem. My biggest achilles heel is what consequence works for a kid who is making the family late, or causing a problem on the way to go somewhere. Timeouts just make it worse and play to their hand (delay), and consequences later (e.g. after school you must go to your room) are so removed as to be useless.
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Over the years we have had to send each of our 3 children to preschool in their pajamas just ONCE. They brought their clothes in a bag to change into when they were ready - which was instantly because everyone was asking them why they were in their pajamas! Never happened again!
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It sounds to me a little bit like a comfort thing, like the fact that you put his pants on proves that you love him. For example, my otherwise all-too-independent 7-year-old son needs to be tucked into bed every night still. Does your son resist GETTING his pants on or PUTTING his pants on? If he just wants you to do it, do you think it is a power struggle (he's testing you) or a security thing (a sign that he's still your baby)? If the former, you can stand your ground, or choose a different battle and come back to this one later. If the latter, then you can either continue helping him, knowing that it's important emotionally for him, or you can compromise -- tell him you will sit next to him while he does it, and give him a hug when he is done.
As for wearing PJ bottoms to school, my kids think pajama day is the best thing ever, and their preschool teachers would have made such a fun fuss over their pajamas, they'd have wanted to do it every day. So be careful.
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My son Nolan is SO stubborn that I'm not sure anyting he does applies to your kids Steve. Nolan goes to preschool in his pajamas as often as he goes in regular street clothes. I'm very lucky we have a great preschool who has staff who understand that this is a battle that I choose not to have with him. I have SO MANY others. Pants are optional in our house unless we have company. You know Dennis, he hates pants. I just think that if your child is stubborn, you have to know that anything you make an issue out of, you are going to have to go to the mat over. So I take that into consideration before I tell him he has to do something. Because I am going to have to fight with him over it. And many days, that is not the most important thing we have to fight about. Know what I mean?
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My son can put his clothes on by himself but he is pretty slow at it. I tell him that he has to try by himself and when he gets stuck it's OK to ask for help. When we are really in a rush we just do it for him.
When he resists, he would run away or something, I would "help" him by starting to put the pants on upside down or backwards or halfway and then say "OK all done!". When he says, NOOO (and giggling) I would say, No? That's not right? You fix it.
Now sometimes he starts by doing it upside down or something, and I would say, That's silly! Ok, fix it. But we have a "It's funny only the first time." rule. Also on days when there is no school or we are not in a rush I tell him that he has time to be silly. On other days, I tell him, We don't have time to be silly today. And he usually complies.
In the vein of trying to keep things silly and fun, there is a book called "Let's Play in the Forest (while the wolf is not around)." In the book, the animals sing that, then you say "Wolf, are you there?" and he says, "No, I'm putting on my shirt/underwear/pants." So you can try reading that book and singing that song in the mornings. We have had occasional success with it but other people have really raved about it.
