2 Answers
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It would all depend on how sure I was about the symptoms I saw, and how I met the couple, and whether I would be likely to see them regularly in the future or not, and my impression of how well they'd take the news. It's tough, because the earlier the child starts having the autism treated, the more likely of a high-functioning outcome, but on the other hand, almost universally I don't think parents want to hear parenting advice from strangers or busybodies, so I tend to keep my opinions to myself unless I know the parents well.
I think I would first try to find out from mutual friends if they were aware already or had considered the possibility, or try to find out who the pediatrician was. But if none of that was possible, I'd try to write an unobtrusive e-mail.
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I have encountered the same type of situation, but with some of my closest and dearest friends. In my experience, no matter what you observe, share, gently comment or express, the parents will only recognize it when they are ready. It is such an emotional issue!
Sadly, I have great friends in many different families whose children eventually ended up with diagnoses of Asbergers, Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD), ADD and Apraxia(significant speech delay at age 8). We all have known each other since the kids were toddlers in preschool. Over the years, I noticed the kids developing differently, the teachers recognized and addressed the issues, pediatricians evaluated, specialists were consulted... It really seemed that until the parents were ready to face and recognize that their child needed help, it did not matter who or what others noticed or how much information/education was presented. In some cases that process took years. Unfortunately, in some instances the kids could have received services much sooner had the parents been emotionally ready to face the challenges. Luckily, each of the children now have the help, support and services at school to maximize their functioning! Some of the parents are still struggling with the realization that they may not have a "typical" child. It looks like that process can last a lifetime as milestones are approached.
