How do you handle child favoritism of one parent over the other for daily tasks?
My son loves spending time with his Daddy but desires all tasks such as diaper changes, milk and stories, changing clothes to be done by Mommy. Any suggestions on how to get him to let his parents take turns?
3 Answers
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Sometimes mommy just is unavailable :) Actually leaving the house for a bit (take a short walk?) can help. We have a lot of the same types of requests. Depending on my own temper and mood I either give in or explain patiently that I am doing something else right now and Daddy can perfectly well help. The protests don't usually last long if I am out of sight (even if in other room). However, it hasn't got a lot better overall. Now this wailing also involves dragging and tearing at my clothes or fingers or hand and not listening to the patient answer. Thigns have been very clingy the past few weeks, seems like there's a lot of regression and uncertainty going on. :(
We haven't done "turn taking" with these duties - you might give it a try?
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I can see why you would like to get this under control with a 2nd on the way. :) With our children, it seems like it goes in phases. Sometimes they want mommy for everything, or sometimes they want their dad. We try to comply when we can but we do make them ask nicely. If it's something like getting them juice and the person they insist on is busy, we just try to be practical about it and make them choose. Do you want it now? Daddy can get you juice. Mommy is busy, if you want juice from Mommy, you can wait. You choose.
Appealing to them also works sometimes if you keep your promises or offering them control over something else. "Mommy's really tired right now. Would it be all right with you if Daddy gets you juice right now? I think it will be just as yummy. Mommy will help you next time." or " Mommy's really tired. blah blah. How about you go choose which cup you want to use?"
For bedtime we have a routine where we take turns putting them down and if there are requests after they are in bed, the person who put them down is the person they need to deal with for the rest of the night. Then we give much the same message as Katja, Mommy/Daddy can help just as well. Some "Remember? It's Mommy's turn." If they really protest, there can be some hugging and crying and "I know, you really wanted Daddy to help. He can help you next time." I think it's like everything else. If you stick to your guns a few times, they know the fussing isn't going to get them anywhere.
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We're tending to get one child prefer one of us, and the other insist on either the same or the opposite depending on, perhaps, the weather. Fun times! It seems like with us that there's a little bit of comfort/familiarity and anticipation involved, and a little bit of "I want to be in control of some parts of my life!" (And with 2, it seems also some competition or self-definition going on.)
One suggestion if child is always preferring one parent is to physically remove that parent for a bit (maybe be out a few evenings in a row or an evening or two a week, or take a weekend day off and go out with friends?) so that there's no choice but to get comfortable with / begin to anticipate how the second parent does things. This may give the second parent a way to get their own groove better established, develop their own fun perks / special closeness, that the child can look forward to.
