What do you do if you don't like a teacher?
We have 2 instances of this going on right now, one with each kid. Both teachers really know their domain, but seem to lack some social skills.
With my 4-year-old, a music teacher seems distant & formal - she didn't say hello to the kids as they entered or do any kind of a welcoming activity at the start of class, the majority of the kids clammed up and didn't participate. Parents were invited to the first class, but they didn't / weren't encouraged to participate and unfortunately often seemed to be laughing at the kids. My son was not nearly as comfortable as he usually is and he actually hid behind me (not his usual behavior!) though he began to relax and participate a bit by the end of class. He also seemed to be learning. I and the other parents will not be attending future classes.
With my 2.5-year-old a gymnastics teacher is very hands-on. She pulled my daughter away by her hand to get her to the first activity and my child cried and squirmed and reached for me. Each time my daughter hesitated to participate, I'd try a few times but then let her watch. The teacher's inclination, however, is to grab her and put her into the activity and my daughter cries and protests, but then - it seems - either my daughter either gets her way and is let go, or actually finds herself having a good time.
In both situations I was uncomfortable. I found myself wrestling with my desire to protect my children and ensure they have a good experience, and also wondering if my first response is overprotective and learning how to deal with different kinds of people and circumstances is good for my kids too - as important as, or more important than, music or gymnastics itself. (And letting my kids have their own experiences is good for me too.)
What would you do? Suck it up and let it be? Coach my kid? Give teachers feedback? Change the situation/teacher?
1 Answers
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That's a tough one. I also constantly wonder if I'm being overly controlling or protective and actively try to be a more relaxed parent. I think you should consider what it is you didn't like about them whether it's just because their styles are different from yours, whether you think they are incompetent in their field, or whether you think the experience might actually hurt your child, physically or mentally.
You make a good point about letting your kids learn how to be around other people but I don't think it means that you need to expose them to unpleasant people. And you can probably find a class where your child can learn both music/gymnastics and how to deal with someone other than you and still have the challenges of learning something new.
Often times you can let your child decide. Are they enthusiastic about class? Do they talk about what they did? Ask them if they like the class. Ask them if they like their teacher. And you can also talk to other parents in the class and see how they feel. Maybe you can just wait and see. My general philosophy is that unless it's really horrible, I'll give it a chance (~3 trials) when I can.
We also take our 4-year-old son to music class, and while we don't think the teacher is stellar, we ask ourselves if our son is getting anything out of it. We also considered that in light of whether it's worth our money and time (45min class + 25 min drive RT). So I want him to have a good experience because of what we are investing in it not necessarily because I think he always needs to have a good time.
hmm... http://www.askmoxie.org/2011/06/an-insight-into-helicopter-parents.html
- andrea, Jun 29, 2011