3 Answers
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I know this is a really sensitive subject, and I know everyone has their own opinion, so I'm just going to relate a couple of my own experiences on this front.
Once, we went to a playground on a nice summer day. Two young girls (likely 4 or 5 years old) were taking wet sand from the sandbox, and putting it right at the bottom of the slide. Their parents were sitting nearby. My son really wanted to use the slide, so I went to the two girls, and I told them that they needed to clean up the slide now and that putting sand on the slide was not allowed. At first, they just looked at me like "who are you to tell me what to do." So, I insisted, and they basically complied, bringing all the sand back, and using a bucket of water to wash off the bottom of the slide. The parents were oblivious the whole time. For me, this was a positive experience, although I was somewhat "on edge" as I was expecting them to come up to me and ask me why I was talking to their children. Thankfully, they did not.
The second experience was when we went to the open house of our new Preschool. Children of all ages were playing on the playground. One particularly troublesome boy was riding a tricycle with a cup full of water in hand. As he rode by my son, he threw the water in his face. I saw it happen, and I immediately went over to the boy, stopped his tricycle, and told him to apologize. He said "I don't apologize to babies" which really got me fuming. I got more stubborn, and said that I wouldn't let him continue playing until he said he was sorry. We had a standoff for a few minutes, with essentially no progress. Eventually, another adult came by and asked what was going on, and I explained what had happened. They addressed the boy by his first name, and told him to apologize, which he did. At first I thought it was his parent, but then I later realized that it was likely a teacher from the school who knew his behavior patterns and how to deal with him. Later that day, I saw another adult removing him from the play area crying. I suspect there was another incident and he was being removed by his parents.
In general, I think the right answer to discipline situations like this is probably "remove the child from the situation" instead of "discipline other people's children". For the party situation you mention, I would likely say something like "If you can't follow the rules, then you can't play on the bed" and remove the offenders. (Versus the way I treat my own children, which would be something more along the lines of "I told you to remove your shoes when you're on the bed, so do it now."
Here's another great story about Playground Discipline that shows that some parents really don't like external discipline. But, as you'll see in many of the comments, most of the readers support the author's actions.
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Quite simply, I would think "my house, my rules." If guests come over and the rule is no shoes on the bed, it's appropriate to tell all the kids the rule and repeat it as necessary. A kid might forget once and need a gentle reminder but a second offense can get them removed from the game (gently, of course).
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Definitely agree- your space = your rules... it's the old idea of being polite by following the customs of the folks you're with when in their space. The playground issue is tougher, but in general, a good guideline is that the space needs to be kept in a manner in which to allow EVERYONE to enjoy it. If you use that with most parents and kids, most get it. And if they are put off by it, so be it.
