5 Year Old Girl Playing Alone in Park for Long Periods of Time
We live in a condo complex that has a little park where I often take my kids. There is a girl, 5, who is there almost all the time, including like 6-8 hour stretches on the weekends. (I'm not out there the whole time, but every time I walk past she is there.) She approaches anyone coming to the park to see if they want to play with her which seems like a huge safety issue (we don't live in the greatest neighborhood). I'm mad at the parents (mom works, dad is unemployed and home all day) for, in my view, completely neglecting her. She is clean and fed, but they just seem to ignore her which makes me sad. I talk to her when I go there with my kids and have invited her over a couple of times, but is there anything else I can do? Is this just a European thing (they recently moved here from France)?
6 Answers
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Follow your gut. (BTW, 6-8 hours alone on a weekend makes we wonder what her meal situation is during that time.)
Even if the parents are European, it doesn't mean that the child isn't in danger of being harmed (by herself or someone else). Not to sound too alarmist, but no matter what neighborhood you live in -- if you get on a Megan's law registry you will be freaked out at who lives in close proximity. If she is seen there on regular ocassion alone she is at risk. (Not to mention likely lonely)
For your own peace of mind, call someone who can peacefully intervene with the parents. Otherwise, imagine how you'd feel if one day this kid turns up on the news and you kept quiet because you didn't want to offend the parents.
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Kids left alone at the playground for long stretches is not common around where we are. However, just as food for thought, my dad's always fond of telling me how he and his brothers were kicked out of their apartment early in the morning, left to play on their own all day, were expected back for meals and that's about it. There evolved to be a contest in his neighborhood where the first one to the ballpark in the morning "won" - presumably because all the other parents were doing the same thing.
This was in NYC in the late 40s, early 50s.
I gather there were two factors - apartments were tiny (1 bedroom apartments for families of 5 were the norm), and parents felt the neighborhood was safe and that other adults were watching out for the kids.
You mention living in a condo complex - could it be that these other parents feel it's safer than you think it is? Is there an objective reality that can be agreed upon with the other parents (e.g., local incidence stats), or in lieu of that, could parents coordinate and try to get other kids out there playing at the same time / longer periods of time - possibly thereby making the playground safer for everyone?
I think another big factor is that kids used to play with a wider age range than they do today. I'm comfortable with a 5yr old playing alone outside as long as an older (~10yrs) sibling or friend is there keeping watch on them. I think in the past, kids would have a "meeting place" that would draw in a wide range of ages. This meant that the older kids could keep watch on the younger ones if need be.
- Steve Lacy, Nov 24, 2009
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I've had really bad experiences with calling CPS. They don't really protect your anonymity. And they are ineffectual and often unfair when it comes to helping the children. Since they are going to tell the parents who reported them, and you will be having to deal with the rage of these parents, you might as well go find out who they are and offer to help them with their daughter. That's clearly what they need anyway. And then the parents won't be angry for having been reported to the authorities.
Help people integrate into a parenting community instead of judging them and making their lives worse.
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One place to look for information about this (although it may sound severe) is the California Child Protective Services Agency. I found a brochure there for determining when to report abuse & neglect, and it has a definition of neglect as:
Neglect
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Malnutrition or poorly balanced diet bloated stomach, extremely thin, dry, flaking skin, pale, fainting.
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Failure to thrive, a child's failure to gain weight at the expected rate for a normal child. A child who fails to thrive may have medical or psychosocial problems, or a combination of these.
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Inappropriate dress for weather.
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Extremely offensive body odor.
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Dirty, unkempt.
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Unattended medical conditions e.g. infected minor burns, impetigo.
So that sounds pretty far from what you describe.
For this kind of situation, it's going to be very hard to confront the parents directly, because they obviously don't see this as an issue, and people generally don't like to be told that they're a bad parent.
Another alternative is to get a local police officer to come and visit. Some kind of "wake up call" from either CPSS or the police is probably be the best way to make this stop for good.
It's far better for you to call the police or CPSS than it is for the kid to be assualted, injured, or hurt in some serious way.
The brochure "Child Abuse Reporting... And You" mentions lack of supervision as a reportable offense.
Here's a link to the page of all available brochures from the CPSS
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I let my daughter wander around my complex for long periods of time on the weekends, finding and playing with friends--but we keep in touch by walkie-talkie. I think kids are overprotected these days; I remember having a lot of freedom to explore as a kid. At the same time, I don't rely solely on the walkie-talkie--I do a bit of wandering myself, making sure I know where she is.
I agree with you about the overprotection. You might like this website: http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/
- Lindsay, Nov 25, 2009
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I totally agree about overprotecting kids but I just wanted to say that we DON'T live in a safe place. A child was raped in our complex; someone was murdered about a block away (and there have been about half a dozen rapes and murders within 8-10 blocks of here in the last few years). My kids have found needles and condoms. It is NOT a safe place for a child to be alone. I let my kids wander around by themselves in other places, but never ever here.
I talked to the parents and now they only send her out when I am there to watch her. A little annoying, but better for the girl. (Hopefully. I hope she isn't being ignored while inside.)
I've had really bad experiences with calling CPS. They don't really protect your anonymity. And they are ineffectual and often unfair when it comes to helping the children. Since they are going to tell the parents who reported them, and you will be having to deal with the rage of these parents, you might as well go find out who they are and offer to help them with their daughter. That's clearly what they need anyway. And then the parents won't be angry for having been reported to the authorities.
Help people integrate into a parenting community instead of judging them and making their lives worse.
- Lindsay, Nov 24, 2009