How to teach your child tact?
So we were checking out at the grocery store the other day, and my 3.5 yo turns to me and says, in a very loud voice, "Mom! He doesn't have any hair!" while pointing to the obviously balding cashier.
The cashier ignored his comment, either he truly didn't hear it, or he pretended not to hear. Needless to say, I was embarrassed and bit mortified, but I also just kept my mouth shut, neither apologizing nor correcting my son.
What should I have done? This situation could have just as well been with a handicapped person, or an obese person, or anything that my son is not used to seeing.
2 Answers
-
Young kids don't have much, if any, filtering skills yet. Most people understand this, especially ones who work in very public places where kids go. I think of it as something aquired by example over time. I probably would have quietly, calmly and quickly as I could gotten his attention and said something like "Yes, I know he is. I'd appreciate if you would keep your voice down and that it is not polite to to point at people and say things" (I do try frequently say "I'd appreciate if you would ...." or "please ..." when correcting my kids ever since they were small -- helps keeps me honest and to talk to them respectfully, hoping they will return the favor with me and others in the future). I'd have also made a quick apology to the person if needed.
Most people understand that this type of thing happens with young kids and appreciate a parent who looks like they are in control and are addressing the issue in a reasonable manner, even if the parent looks embarassed or mortified. I personally understand when the parent doesn't say much if they look like they are in control.
-
Tact -- I don't know if its possible to teach young children before the age of 5 tact. Helpful reminders about being polite and not saying cruel things to people are always correct of course. ( this includes pregnant women, the elderly, and people with disabilities as well.) Small children, toddlers, and pre-schoolers are famous for their " honesty". Long ago, I was in a grocery store with my daughter and her friend. I was quietly speaking with a stranger in the produce dept --- an older African American gentleman. We are caucasian. To my horror, the two kids began screaming at the top of their lungs -- Help! Help! Somebody help us! Get back! Run away! My daughter yelled "Don't talk to strangers Mommy -- that man might hurt you." The kids pulled on me to get away. The store personnel and other shoppers came over. I was embarassed as could be. I apologized to the gentleman, and he quietly walked away. I felt horrible. Afterwards, when talking to the 2 small children, I learned that they had had a lesson in stranger awareness safety at school that day. They were practicing what they had learned --- on me ! I can laugh at what happened now, but that day it was a horrible experience. So do the best you can to teach your children tact, but know that you will most probably have at least one experience with your children that causes embarrassment at the time, but memories many years later !
