Play dates with twins

1 votes

My 4-year old son goes to preschool with twins, A and B.  He gets along better with A than B but likes them both.  When they are at school, the three of them play together well, but we've tried inviting both boys over and the twins just played with each other leaving my son feeling sad.  Would it be weird to invite A over one day and B over another day?  Even though my son prefers A, I'm not willing to never invite B.

 

Awesome question/topic. As mom of boy twins & girl twins (and a pediatrican) want to share one point – not all twins have the same play date dynamics. Be DIRECT & EXPLAIN your specific dynamic with other parents. Have written about this on our website.
Dr. Jen
https://www.playthisway.com/play_parenting?Twins+%26+Play+Dates+

- DrJen, Jan 28, 2012

Anonymous

Jan 29, 2010

1 Answers

  • 0 votes

    I think it is OK to occasionally invite one (or the other) vs. both.   Your son is feeling sad about the situation and you want to help out.  Hopefully, having a little one-on-one time between your son and each of the twins with help ease the dynamic when your son is with both of the twins at the same time. 

    You "just" need to tactfully & clearly explain the reasoning and your proposal to the twins parents (easier said than done, however.)

    The issue now is more on the parents of the twins -- essentially, how they will respond (BTW... the issue not only occurs with families with twins, my wife and I see it with some families with kids that are close in age).  Based upon their personal preferences and knowledge of their kids, some parents may lean toward the position "You take one, you take both" while others may lean towards the position that their kids are getting older and can have their own friends/playtime without the other.

    Before you speak to the parents of the twins, have an idea how you will respond if they disagree with your suggestion or have some questions/concerns.   For example,

    • Ask them for their recommendations for how to handle the sitiation when it occurs.  Maybe they have some suggestions on what you can say or do to help when the twins are playing together and excluding your son when they are at your home.
    • If you son plays at their home, do they see the similar bahavior and what do they do to remedy ?
    • Perhaps they can say something to their twins to sensitize them to the feelings of their playmate (your son).  
    • Perhaps they can tell you something about the twins that you can can discuss with your son to help sensitize him about the twins. 
    • Suggest having a playdate (maybe in a "neutral" location) with you and at least one of twins parents present so you both can address the issue.         

     

    Sadly, you may want to also be prepared on what you will say/do if their response or discussions with them are not in the best interest of your son or doesn't really resolve the issue from your perspective.  From personal experience, "this ain't easy"

    Hope this helps
    nccora

    Jan 31, 2010



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