Bedtime excuses and stalling.
My 3 1/2 year old has of late turned bedtime into a nearly hour long ordeal. He's great about the actual bedtime routine which only takes 15 minutes. Pjs, brush, book, bed. We say night night, turn off the lights and leave his room. But then he keeps coming out of his room for the most inane reasons. And not just once, but up to 3, 4 or 5 or more times. He needs a kiss, he wants some water, his lovey fell out of bed, etc etc.
After awhile, we are at our wit's end and practically yelling at him to get back into his bed and GO TO SLEEP. The sticker chart has not worked. We've threatened to take away his lovey, (which we have done) and that hasn't worked. We say he can't go to the park the next day, but those threats don't work either.
Suggestions?
4 Answers
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We tried a new tactic tonight. We started off by taking everything out of his bed that he normally sleeps with - his flashlight and his stuffed animals. And we removed many of the toys within his room that he would normally sneak into bed (cars, trains and such). After reading him his book, we told him that if he stayed in bed for 15 minutes, he would get one toy back tonight.
And wouldn't you know it, he stayed in his bed! So he got one stuffed animal tonight. If he does the same tomorrow, he'll get one more toy or animal back.
Let's see if this works long term!
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Our son started doing this too at almost 3 with roughly the same frustration on our part. We have tried the following things that helped. Now he only calls us back if he has to go to the bathroom.
1) Make sure he's tired especially if he took an afternoon nap that day with plenty of fresh air and physical play.
2) Even if it's only been 15 minutes, we come back with it's the middle of the night attitude. We whisper, keep the return visits short and business like.
3) Be preemptive, eg Do you want some water now? After this no more water until the morning. (stick to it!)
4) Make it clear what he can ask you for and what he shouldn't have asked for. eg Did your lovey fall out of bed? I'll get it for you now but next time, I think it's something you can do by yourself. next time: There is your lovey, I see it. Try and get it yourself. Good job! next time: Remember how you did it yourself last night? From now on, you can do it yourself. next time: Sorry, can't help you with that.
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We struggle with this too. I would recommend trying one thing that seemed to work with our son Lengthen the bedtime routine just a bit. Sit next to him and tell him he has to close his eyes. Pat his back gently. Sing a song if there's one you both like. For my son, he'll fall asleep within 5 minutes as long as he's tired enough, and once he's asleep, he stays asleep for good. If he opens his eyes, use your "firm" parent voice: "Eyes closed." I don't say anything else other than "eyes closed" after the final good night.
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Your new tactic of taking everything out of the bed and rewarding time spent in bed sounds like you're on the right track!
My mom had a tactic for how many times we got to say "ouch" when she brushed our hair that might work here but in the reverse. We got to say "ouch" 5 times. After you had used up your 5, you didn't get to say it any more. If you had any ouches left over, you got to add them to the next hair brushing session. I'm not suggesting that you tell your son that he can only get out of bed 5 times and if he only gets up less than that, he can add the remaining times to the next night. (Oy, would that be bad! He'd probably be up all night after a while!) Instead, whittle it down. Night #1, he can get out of bed 5 times. Night #2, 4 times and so on. He'll learn that if he wastes a time out of bed with something not so important, he won't be able to get out of bed for something really important.
You could make it a counting game and give him 5 "get out of bed free" tickets. If he spends all 5, he has to wait until the "bank" opens again in the morning to buy more.
[That being said, you probably want to let him know that there are times when all bets are off (potty, something scary) and he can come to you.]
