5 Answers
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I have a similar dilemma. My husband is strongly opposed to teaching our children to believe in Santa, but I think it's all part of the fun.
So when our son decided to tell the children at his preschool that there is no such thing as Santa, it was a problem for me. The children were angry, and I saw this as a preview of more events like this in the future.
So I told him how people all over the world have different beliefs in many things. How it's important to respect other people's beliefs. And this applies to Christmas too. That for many people they like to play the Santa game where they give gifts to children to make them happy. If you tell the children the secret, it spoils the fun and that's not nice. I told him that it's a fun game, and if he would play with me and other adults and children and pretend, it would make me and everybody else happy too. He laughed with me about this and agreed to play along.
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My husband was raised Jewish and I was raised Catholic, and we are raising the kids Jewish (I converted to Judaism, but neither my husband nor I are spiritual.)
So, we relate.
I believe that Santa is about as religious as the tooth fairy. And it's true (unfortunately for the Christians) that Christmas is so commercial that its religious origins are not obvious.
We have always told the kids that Santa comes to my parents' house because they are Christian and have a Christmas tree. So on Christmas at their house, my kids get Christmas gifts. But we are Jewish so we get Hanukkah gifts at our house (these are LUCKY CHILDREN and I think they know it.)
At the mall, we don't get pictures on Santa's lap, but if one of them really wanted to we probably wouldn't force the issue by forbidding it (they've never asked to -- who wants to stand in that line?)
We do not put up a Christmas tree or anything remotely like a Christmas decoration in our house. But I also do not at all mind that my mother has a lot of Christmas in hers. The kids learned to respect that each household observes their own holidays. The older two (ages 6 and 8) are now very careful to wrap my parents' gifts in Christmas paper and our family's in Hanukkah paper. They give according to the religion of the receiver. I think it's great -- what peace the world would have if more people could respect and even celebrate each others' holidays without feeling that it interferes with their own beliefs.
I also agree that children who are taught not to believe in Santa should be taught not to ruin it for other kids.
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Another interfaith family here. My husband is Jewish, I am Christian but not really practicing, and we are raising the children Jewish.
For the first few years, we have done the "Santa leaves gifts for you at Grandma and Grandpa's because they are Christian" thing, which works out fine. My Jewish husband grew up getting Santa gifts regularly (always at other people's houses) and never got confused. In a mixed-religion family, odds are that the children will get Xmas gifts no matter what. At some point you will probably have to explain it to them in a way that your family feels good about.
I just wanted to add in, though, that while both parents may be in agreement about raising children in a certain religion, there is the possibility that down the line the parent who is not of that religion might find themselves feeling left out, etc. as the children grow older. You may find the need to adjust your holidays a little bit. For me, as our kids age I have been getting a little sad about not having any Christmas stuff at our house to enjoy with them. So we do have some low-key Xmas decorations (and yes, we are getting a tree, but it won't be huge) and Santa left stockings at our house last year. This is in addition to the Jewish things we already have. Our older daughter, who is 5, strongly identifies as Jewish and we have made it clear that Santa/Christmas/etc. is part of Mommy's family and that the decorations are for Mommy's sake, but we can all enjoy them as a family. This is not at all how we initially imagined raising the children Jewish, but it's working for us.
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After watching a movie with my daughter last night (Santa Claus 3) I was impressed by the use of "Legendary Characters" in the movie.
There was a "council" of these characters that included: The Tooth Fairy, Father Time, Cupid, The Sandman, the Easter Bunny, Santa, Mother Nature, Jack Frost...
It got me wondering if one does not believe in Santa, then do you subsequently not "believe" in the others.
These characters are fun, tradition, and non religious childhood icons. Since most children believe only until about age 8 or 9, why not give them the fun and enjoy it yourselves too!
