The naming of genitalia
As toddlers explore their bodies, they need to know what everything is called. What names do you use with your kids when describing their genitalia? Especially with girls?
Some of my co-workers discussed this and they say they use "vagina" for the whole general thing for their girls, but that is not techically true, since the vagina refers only to the inside part, and a toddler really only needs to know what the exterior part is called. Another co-worker rolled eyes at the term "front-butt". For girls, the technical term is vulva, but as far as words go, I really don't like it at all. Suggestions?
Thanks!
- katja, Apr 13, 2010
4 Answers
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I'm not sure what the value is of being specific and anatomically correct. Are we worried that our kids might never learn the correct term? Does the correct term matter to anyone who is not a health professional? What's our goal?
It seems to me that a general goal might be to make sure that our children can communicate with us and others about concerns - health-wise, physical development-wise, sexuality-wise, or, god forbid, abuse-wise - and there are two parts to being able to do so: 1) some generally understood terminology and 2) being frank enough about genitalia as simple (non-shameworthy) body parts that our children aren't reluctant or held back from being able to have necessary and important conversations.
Without thinking too much about it, I've assumed "vagina" is fine for the above goal. I've taught my son "leg" and not yet "thigh", "shin" or "tibia" (even if that's not quite a fair analogy I know - "leg" is not anatomically incorrect, but it is imprecise and non-technical). Other than the technicality, what's pragmatically wrong with "vagina"?
I just thought that we call the nose a nose, not a sinus (although the sinus opens out into the nose and is part of the nose system, so to speak). Baby girls and boys have sinuses, but all in all it makes more sense to use nose. Likewise, easier to talk about the bottom than the anus, although you would agree that anuses are pretty important when it comes to bottoms and their function. Nothing wrong with vagina - i was just not sure how much it has a double meaning - both as the specific organ and as the "civilized" term that is used to mean the vulva. Sounds like in current day, vagina is the word of choice for the educated straight-talkers. Thanks for helping me understand this.
- katja, Apr 13, 2010
Years and years ago my daughter played with her friend Shawn ( a boy) in preschool. She said " boys are fancy and girls are plain" . When I asked why, she replied " boys have a penis and girls just have a slit-- and a " bajina". She was perfectly satisfied with that, and I didn't elaborate. I think she used the term " slit" for a couple of years after that within our family, but at least she had part of the right terminology for " formal" occasions ! Just thought I'd add a little light hearted memory to this topic!
- Suzanne, Apr 14, 2010
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In my opinion, toddlers and young children do not need a course in Anatomy and Physiology to name genital body parts. ( This is more difficult with girls than with boys.) A general term of your choice probably is better than what many other parents who are squeamish about naming genitalia might use. I think that terms like " front butt" are degrading. Even though vagina might not be technically accurate, the term at least gives that part of the body a name that is not " wee-wee", " your nasty", or other disprespectful term. On a similar topic, I once knew a nurse who was the mother of two small girls. She insisted on demanding that the girls say "I need to evacuate my urinary bladder" when they had to urinate. I always thought this was a little extreme for young children --- if not a bit socially standoff'ish. Good luck with deciding how you will handle this situation!
Agree - not looking for anatomical impresario terms, just a word that makes sense.
- katja, Apr 13, 2010
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Looks like Oprah coined the term "Vajayjay" and I'm not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, it's a much nicer sounding that "vajina" and since it's a euphamism, you can be a little more vague and what you're actually referring to, and "vajayjay" could easily refer to the vulva as well. Here's some background on "vajayjay" from 2007. I guess another alternative could be V.J. if that suits your style.
For our son, we just fell into calling his penis his "pee pee" and although we have two versions of "pee pee", one means urination, and the other means "penis" he doesn't seem at all confused by it. I think he just picks it up from context.
Sorry, Steve. Vajayjay and V.J. get a thumbs down from me. I'm ok with pee-pee though.... boys are easier than girls in this area !
- Suzanne, Apr 13, 2010
Jennifer Love Hewitt just did a TV interview about vagazzling her vajayjay - I am afraid that term is not an option at this time :) When I was little, I was taught to call the body part the "janie" - but that doesn't seem fair to all the people who are called Jane. So I was looking for other options.
- katja, Apr 13, 2010
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So a broad consensus seems to suggest that a generally acceptable common term is "vagina", even though technically we're talking about the vulva. It seems convention. To me it's conceptually a little odd that the terms should have gotten so twisted, because it is like saying rectum when you mean the whole bottom, or saying sinus when you mean the whole nose, but I get it.
As a kid, I was instructed to call it the "janie", but it seems sort of unfair to people called Jane. We are moving towards toilet training, and our daughter knows what you do when you sit on the toilet, but I'm still stalling with actually committing to terminology, for some reason. It's easier to talk about what comes out. We're naming other body parts, though, so time is running out... :)
There is a great book called "Diapers to Dating" that talks about this issue. Ultimately it's a personal decision for your family. A word of caution: make sure whatever name it is that you choose is recognizable by a pediatrician. You really DO want your child to be able to make an accurate and fully understood description if his/her genetalia are ouchy.
- Mom of Two, Apr 13, 2010