Not going to my parents for all holidays

0 votes

My parents live about 1.5 hours away from us.  Ever since our oldest was born (nearly 6 years ago), we have gone to their house for all holidays: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, 4th of July,....  It is VERY important to my mom that we go and ALL holidays are VERY important to her.  But I'm getting tired of it and want to spend some holidays with just our nuclear family.  How do we best go about that?  I don't mind going to some holidays, but going there for everything isn't so fun.  And it doesn't help that my sister who lives about 20 minutes away from them will rarely go to anything, so either I go (with husband and kids) or they are alone.  My sister has been to Christmas once in 4 or 5 years and that was just a part of the day.  My parents are very hurt by this and it puts more pressure on me to go.

I want my kids to have a good relationship with their grandparents but I am really starting to resent that we never get to do anything with just the 5 of us and that we always have to travel.

 

Anonymous

Apr 26, 2010, edited Apr 26, 2010

2 Answers

  • 0 votes

    That's tough.  I doubt if this helps, but are your parents willing to come out your way instead?  Can you offer to host, hopefully knowing that your parents won't make the drive out and then you end up getting what you were hoping for, which is holidays by yourselves?  Or, start your own tradition of always celebrating the eve (or the day after) with just your nuclear family.
    aknitter

    Menlo Park, CA

    Apr 14, 2010

  • 0 votes

    As a child of divorced parents, holidays would get split and that would be WITH my nuclear family.  My mom got the Jewish holidays and, usually, my dad got the non-religious holidays.  This worked well for a while.  Now, I'm married and have a child.  My sister is married and has 2 children.  My step-siblings on both sides all live out of state.  Soooo, holidays and trying to get everyone together has become more of a challenge, near to impossible.

    The solution?  Alternating years.  For example, this year, we'll be local for Thanksgiving.  Next year, my dad and step-mom will celebrate Thanksgiving on the East Coast and my husband, son and I can celebrate with my mom.

    I like aknitter's suggestion of you taking the eve or day of the holiday.  If your mom insists that Christmas is a family holiday, offer to come on Christmas Day but reserve Christmas Eve for yourself.  Good luck!
    Alana

    1 little boy, girl on the way, still many ?s
    Cupertino, CA

    Apr 20, 2010



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