Kindergarteners Being Mean
My 5 year old son is in Kindergarten and has had a pretty good experience so far this year. Since getting back from Spring Break a little more than a week ago, some kids are being REALLY mean. Actually, it seems like either kids are mean to others or someone is being mean to them. My son told me he spends some recesses hiding because other kids chase him and tackle him and are just generally too rough. I volunteer in the classroom one day a week and last week I saw some kids taunting him. The teacher was immediately all over it.
I've talked to his teacher and she says she knows it is a problem and she's talked to some kids and their parents and will continue to do so. Is that enough? Since he isn't getting physically hurt and this roughness hasn't been going on very long and is being dealt with, should I just give it a little more time? Should I be talking to the principal? Other parents? Will talking to other parents just make my child an outcast? We actually took him out of school for a couple of days because he was getting down about it. I don't think we are quite at the point of pulling him out of school, but I would in a heartbeat if I thought we should.
3 Answers
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My own attitude would be to give it more time. It sounds like you're paying close attention to how it's affecting your boy, which is the most important thing: make sure he's not internalizing the dynamic to the point that he ends up perpetuating it and recreating it elsewhere. Like everything else in life, this sort of thing can be a teaching opportunity: how does this make your son feel, why does he think the other kids are behaving as they are, what are some good strategies for dealing with this kind of thing, etc. Not that you (or anyone else) is going to have all the answers, quite the opposite. You want your boy to wrestle with the challenges the situation presents, and you're the coach.
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I'm so scared at the issue of bullying especially with the recent incident regarding that poor high school girl in Mass. who committed suicide after being bullied. Now I know kindergarteners aren't quite the same thing, but you have to wonder, that it starts somewhere right? If the aggressive kids are starting at such a young age to torment other children and if it's not checked, then it could develop into something much worse later.
According to this article, parents of bullies may not even recognize the signs and therefore may not act to curb the behavior.
I don't have any answers, but I'm glad that your son is reaching out to you and that you and his teacher are on top of things!
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My son is now getting similar "mean kid" treatment at preschool. He's 4.5 years old. It's not physical. I feel exactly as you write here. Some kid told him today that he was going to mark him with an "X", put an "X" on his door at home. Our son was agitated today driving home, worried that he was going to see an "X" on his door.
On the teacher's advice, we are working to coach him on being more assertive, standing up for himself, saying "I don't like that." or "When you do X, I feel Y. Stop it!" I worry it's not working, that our sweet gentle boy doesn't have the temperment to be assertive at age 4, and suggesting he pretend to be assertive seems a little crazy.
I also get frustrated that it feels like the teachers are only talking about what our child can be doing differently, we hear nothing of what they're telling the other kids or their parents. And I'm worried that if this is happening at age 4 (and it happened at age 3), then there will be more of the same and worse in elementary school.
