How much choice to give kids and when?

0 votes

My 5-year old got assigned to a school we weren't that wild about, but we took him to the welcome picnic, bought him a school shirt, set up a couple of playdates, etc.  Then we found out we could switch him to another school that we thought would be much better for him, so we did.  My husband and I talked about it but didn't involve our son at all.

My sister thinks we are monsters, that since it directly affects him he should get some say.  I think he doesn't have the life experience to know what is best for him and that when he is older he can have some say.  For example, if he had one more year left in middle school we might ask if he wanted to finish up with his friends or switch to a new school.  But at 5, he can't possibly know what he wants about something like this.

Are we monsters?  At what point did you or do you plan to let your kids have significant input into major events in their lives?

No, I don't think you are monsters or bad parents at all. In fact, you are being wise and concerned parents. A 5 year old is not mature enough to decide on his  educational " destiny" . Good for you for actively directing an important area of your child's life.

- Suzanne, Apr 17, 2010

We didn't ask our 2 year old what he thought about the various preschools we visited. I can't imagine it'll be any different with a 5 year old. The "at what point" part of your question is much tougher... we're too new at this to say. I was shocked a few weeks ago when my now almost 3 year old had an opinion on where we should go out to dinner!

- andrea, Apr 22, 2010

Anonymous

Apr 16, 2010

1 Answers

  • 1 votes

    Wow - when reading this question, I really thought that it was going to be about a choice between chocolate or vanilla, peas or carrots.  This really digs a lot deeper.

    That being said, no, I don't think you and your husband are monsters.  (Actually, that's a horrible thing to say.)  I'm guessing but it doesn't seem like you switched him after many months at the new school but only after a few weeks.  Also, should he ask about why you switched him, you'd probably explain your reasons and he'd be cool with that.

    As for when you start giving your child input on events in their lives, it all depends on the event.  You want your kid to play a sport, let him help decide which one.  If he picks one he later comes to hate, work with him to pick another one.  I wouldn't let him bounce around from thing to thing 'cause then he learns that he doesn't have to stick with any one choice but a choice doesn't need to be a death sentence either.

    There are going to be some decisions where the parents make 'em and the kid has to go along with them.  At that time, you need to tell your child that this is what's going to happen and why.  For decisions like that, I hope your sister is more supportive of your parenting.
    Alana

    1 little boy, girl on the way, still many ?s
    Cupertino, CA

    Apr 16, 2010



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