Did you sleep train?
I am typing this with one hand and holding my sleeping 3 month old in the other because it's often difficult to put her down for daytime naps without her screaming...usually she needs to be nursed, rocked, or strolled to sleep, and then transferred very, very gently and we realize that these habits are not going to be sustainable for long!
We have been thinking about sleep training once she comes of age/weight. If you sleep trained, which method/book did you use and how effective was it? How old was your child? Also how difficult was it emotionally for you and your partner? Do you regret it or were you thrilled with the results?
5 Answers
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We started with the Ferber method when our son was about 6-7 mos old. Our son has always slept in his own room, from the day he came home from the hospital. I'll be honest with you - during, sleep training sucks. We also had to re-start it on several occasions which is just frustrating. We started and then had house guests so the plan got derailed. Then, we went on vacation. Then, we came home but the baby got sick. When we were finally able to give it our undivided attention for a week plus, we were diligent and determined to make it work but it still sucked.
I took the weekdays and my husband was 'on' for the weekends. The amount of elapsed time until we'd go in the first time and how much time we'd let our son cry would get longer and longer each day. There's a great chart in Ferber's book. I did not read the book cover to cover, just bounced around the relevant sections. [I'd even lend you my copy (I think we got ours as a 'new parent' gift) or scan the chart for you.]
http://www.sleep-baby-sleep.com/ferber-method.htm This link might be all the info you need.
Yes, we're thrilled with the results because we know he can soothe himself back to sleep. The timetable is entirely up to you. IMHO, if it's breaking your heart to hear your child cry, go soothe him and try sleep-training again tomorrow. It will happen. Some babies just take longer than others. You may be lucky and, after one or two back rubs from Mom or Dad, he's reassured that everything is alright and he'll see you in the morning. :-)
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We did sleep training when my son was about 3 months. We did a modified Ferber ("cry it out") method. I cannot bear to hear my children crying, even when I'm timing it and know that it was only a couple of minutes, it feels much, much longer.
But first, let me distinguish my use of the word "cry". You know your own baby and know when they are crying as a way to get your attention, versus crying when they are genuinely distraught. I always pick up my baby and soothe him when he is really distraught. So when I use "cry" here, it is only for the whiny/fussy/want you kind of cry.
The main thing we changed from the Ferber method is the length we'd let him cry. Instead of starting at 5mins, up to 15-20mins, we started with 1 minute. We did 1 minute, 1 minute again, 3 minutes, 3 minutes again, 5 mins max.
These were the key things we went by:
- Start with a relaxing bedtime routine (we did pajamas, milk, book, & a couple short songs).
- After he is in bed, we did not pick him up again (unless really distraught)
- Keep visits short - less than 1 minute
- Keep it dark, avoid eye contact
- Use the same soothing method when you go in (we did soft shushing, stroke head, and adjust blankets)
- Don't make wait periods random. The idea is to wait at least as long as the previous wait, then increase the time - they have to work more to get the "reward" (you). Pretty soon, it's not worth the work. Keep in mind they are also getting more and more tired.
- Keep it consistent between both you and your partner.
As Alana mentioned, training is hard and you have to retrain after traveling or if you've started making exceptions if they were sick or something. Occasionally, when my son was older he would also have a night here and there where he tested us. He would even try different cries to if one would get us running to him.
He is 3 now, and we've had to use this method about 4 times total. But it worked on about the 3rd night. My son has always slept about 11 hours a night from 3 months until now.
Good luck!
PS It sounds a little bit like you are waiting until your baby is already too tired before putting her down.
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Ditto on the Ferber method. We had limited success with our first child, but I think it's primarily because we didn't stick to our guns and we ended up being really inconsistent on when and how long it would take us to go in and comfort him. To this day (almost 4 years old now) he still doesn't always sleep well through the night.
Our 14 month old on the other hand has been sleeping 12 hours straight without any fuss forever now. Geez, I don't remember how young she was when we sleep trained her, but it worked like a charm.
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We also had more Ferber luck with our second child -- I think we were more consistent, and he also had better sleep habits to begin with (as an infant we were able to put him down sleepy, and he'd fall asleep on his own). With both of my children I waited unitl close to one year before sleep training. It was very difficult but worth the effort. To echo what was mentioned already, there is a difference between seriously distressed crying and "I sure wish you wouldn't leave" crying, and knowing the difference is important for sleep training. Also, if one parent is ambivalent or not on board it will be much harder.
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This seems to me like a fairly-balanced, agenda-less, researched article on sleep training: http://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html. It mentions when NOT to sleep train (e.g. very young babies, children who have experienced trauma etc), what the research says about age ranges, what the clear upsides are for the child and parents, and alternatives to Ferber that may involve less crying and equal success.
(If you read it, feel lfree to comment on whether it seems fair and balance - this is a touchy issue that gets strident at times - this one seemed good to me.)
Here's a link to articles opposed to CIO: http://forum.kellymom.net/showthread.php?42835-Why-you-shouldn-t-let-your-baby-cry-it-out-%28CIO%29-research-amp-articles
- andrea, Jul 19, 2010